Are Venture Capitalists the New Ponzi Schemes?
Venture capital is supposed to be the engine of innovation. In reality, it often looks like a casino run by dudes in Patagonia vests, betting other people’s money on unicorns that can barely walk. Everyone’s pretending this is the future. It smells more like a Ponzi scheme with better branding.
The Cult of Growth
Ponzi promised investors exponential returns. VCs promise the same, except with shinier decks and cold brew on tap. Both need constant fresh money to keep the dream alive. Both punish anyone who asks annoying questions like: “When do we actually make money?” The answer is always the same: “Don’t worry, growth will save us.” Growth is the messiah. Cash flow is for losers.
Unicorns or Glue Factories
Start-ups are pushed to become unicorns — billion-dollar valuations for companies that can’t turn a profit. Unicorns sound magical. In practice, most of them are donkeys stapled with cardboard horns, marched straight into the glue factory once the hype dies. Ponzi had fake returns. VCs have fake valuations. Both depend on everyone agreeing not to look too closely.
Excel Sheet Porn
The entire system runs on projections that would make Bernie Madoff blush. Spreadsheets with hockey-stick curves, Excel orgasms promising market domination in five years or less. It’s fantasy finance — venture capital as masturbation. Everyone gets high on the numbers until the cash runs out. Then it’s back to layoffs, down rounds, and crying founders.
The Real Drug: Hype
Ponzi used lies. VCs use TechCrunch. The hype cycle is the only product that consistently delivers. Conferences, seed rounds, unicorn lists — it’s a marketing loop to convince everyone that the party will never end. But hype is like cocaine: it feels good at 2 a.m., then it ruins your life by sunrise.
A Different Game
There’s another way to build companies. Not chasing unicorns, not inventing financial porn, but actually making money. Cash flow. Profit. Resilience. Boring words, but they’re the only ones that matter when the music stops.
The Verdict
So are venture capitalists the new Ponzi schemes? Not exactly. Ponzi at least knew it was a scam. VCs might actually believe their own bullshit. Which makes them either delusional, dangerous, or both.
The only real question is: when the next unicorn explodes in glitter and debt, who’s holding the bag?
Spoiler: it’s probably you.
